What’s purple and fixes pipes?

a plum-er?

whats purple and sounds like a ape

a grape.

What do hedgehogs like to eat? Prickled onions

what colour is a burp?


why did the cow cross the road?

it wanted to see a moooovie?

why don’t leopards cheat in exams?

they know they’ll be spotted.

why is Europe like a frying pan?

it has Greece at the bottom.

what do cows say when people are in there way?


what is a ghosts favourite food?


how do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?


what do you call a sleeping bull?

a bulldozer.

what do computers eat?


where do you catch a flying pig?

at the airpork.

Whats a cats favourite colour? Puuuuuuuur-ple.

Why was the computer so cold? Because it’s windows we’re open.

what do you call a eight legged cat? octopussy.

whats the cleverest species of dinosaurs?

a thesaurus.

why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween?

for a tick or tweet.

what did the frog order at the fast food restaurant?

french flies and diet croak

how do you make a fruit punch?

give it boxing lessons.

what do you call a man with a map on his head?


who gives presents to children then gobbles them up?

santa jaws.

how do snails keep their shells so shiny?

they use snail varnish.

what are the werewolves cousins called?

the whywolf the whatwolf and the whenwolf.

can I tell you about a wall?

Yes please

no because you’ll never get over it.

why do Cornwall call the place Cornwall?

because there walls are made out of corn?

what does a ghost call his mum and dad?


whats the earths favourite bit of pizza?

the crust.

why are skeletons scared of dogs?

because dogs like bones.

what do you get when you cross a pig and a woodchopper?

pork chops.

what do you call a woman with two toilets on her head?


what runs but has no legs?


what do you call a rooster that wakes you up at

the same time every morning?

an alarm cluck.

what do you call a skeleton snake?

a rattler.

why did the sheep cross the road?

it wanted to go to the baaaaaaarbers.

what do you call a bee that lives in a graveyard?

a zom-bee.

what did the ghost teacher say to her pupils?

look at the board-I’m going through it again.

why did the submarine go red?

because it saw the ships bottom.

What happens when you ask someone to take a seat?

they take a seat and take it back home.

whats a sheeps favourite snack?

chocolate baaaaaaaaaaars.

what did the chick say when his mum laid an orange?

look what marmalade.

why do zebras like old movies?

because they are black and white.

wgat happened to the wooden car with the wooden wheels

and the wooden engine?

it wooden go.

how does a dog stop the DVD player?

he pressed the paws button.

why did the man stick his head out the window?

to get some fresh hair.

what did the scarf say to the hat?

you go on ahead and I’ll hang around.

when do birds celebrate their Dads?

on feathers day.

why don’t oysters share?

because they’re shellfish.

why did the robber take a bath?

he wanted a clean getaway.

why did the overweight man throw his wallet away?

he wanted to loose a couple pounds.

why was the broom late for school?

it overswept.

what goes oom oom?

a cow walking backwards.

what gets bigger the more you take away from it?

a hole.

what kind of tree has hands?

a palm tree.

why are hairdressers such good drivers?

they know all the short cuts.

what do you call a woman with a sheep on her head?


why is the sofa like roast turkey?

because it’s full of stuffing.

why did the tuna go to Hollywood?

to be a starfish.

why was the baby ant confused?

because all his uncles were ants.

what has six legs but only uses four?

a man on a horse.

whats the tallest building?

A library because it has so mant stories.

what do you call a pig with no bacon?

streaky bacon.

why did your brother wear a wet t shirt all day?

because it says wash and wear.












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